20 September 2007

My Wife Discovers Jesus Fish

My wife made a startling discovery (well, startling to her) in the car coming home from work yesterday. I have no idea how she never noticed before; I guess she really doesn't care about reading the crappy accessories people attach to the backs of their cars. I was making some lame comment about the GMC Jimmy in front of us, something to the effect that only people named Jimmy should ever drive one (hahaha, I kill me ... well, not really) when she saw the Jesus fish on the back hatch.

She was really excited. Her younger sister had informed her of the concept just a day or two earlier and she was amazed that we had stumbled upon one so soon after.

I, meanwhile, was not terribly impressed and said something mean about Jesus fish being all over the place and she just isn't observant. Normally when my snark gets the better of me like this she gets offended and doesn't talk to me for a while. Believe me, we were well on the way to that here. That's when I stunned her by pointing out that her beloved sister-in-law, who happens to live in the same town as us, who we see on a regular basis and who often gives my wife rides to church events, also has a Jesus fish on the back of her minivan and my wife has never noticed it. Anger dissolved into incredulity as my wife struggled with the fact that she could be that clueless: "Nawwwww, you're joking. She doesn't have one. Does she? Are you sure? I'll have to check." Crisis averted there.

Anyhoo, I was tempted to not only explain the history of the Jesus fish, but also Darwin fish as well. However, I decided against it; she had had enough of a shock already that day and anything else would have been cognitive overload. Undoubtedly, now that she's looking for them, one day she'll notice a queer little Jesus fish with tiny feet and will ask me what it is; that's when I'll fill her in.

There was another crisis brewing now about Jesus fish - now she wants to get one for our car. I said an emphatic NO, and she got offended that I was emphatic about it. As I explained to her, I don't like putting unnecessary emblems and such on our car: no bumper stickers, "baby on board" signs, and hell, I'm not even keen on the idea of slapping on a Darwin fish. It's just too tacky for me. But more importantly, I'm not going to advertise for something that I don't agree with. She can advertise for her religion as much as she wants (and she does), but not on joint property that reflects on both of us, not just her.

I hope she understands; I'm sure she'd be pretty annoyed if I slapped a FSM fish on the car.

Hmm, I wonder if I could pretend to cave but buy one of several more subtle anti-Jesus fish emblems instead. Would she notice?

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At September 20, 2007 3:35 p.m., Anonymous mel said...

You must experiment, KA! Put the generic quad-pedal fish on ... we could do a pool on how long it'll take QA to realize the betrayal.

At September 20, 2007 4:37 p.m., Blogger King Aardvark said...

I could try that, except when she finally figured it out she would likely kill me, or at the very least throw me out on the lawn.

In summary, I don't think it's worth the undoubtedly educational experiment.

At September 21, 2007 12:33 p.m., Blogger vjack said...

I'm just impressed that this marriage has worked out as well as it apparently has! You must be highly skilled in the art of compromise.

At September 21, 2007 1:55 p.m., Blogger Carlo said...

I say cover the whole damn car in fishes. It's like making a statement about statements by making too many statements... Wait, did I just blow your fucking mind?!?!?!

At September 21, 2007 2:22 p.m., Blogger King Aardvark said...

Carlo, yes you did, but given my current lack of sleep that's not very hard.

vjack - the good thing about religion as she practices it is that, other than going to church a couple of times every month, I don't really have to do anything about it. I just listen to her talk about it (she also prays, says grace etc) and insert a few "food for thought"-style comments to try to move her away from becoming fundyish. She does her church stuff and I stay home and play videogames. Occasionally there is an argument about religious stuff but it doesn't affect our daily lives at all.

The question is what happens when kids enter the picture. I've agreed to not explicitly say QA is wrong and that Christianity is a load of hooey; however, I've agreed to nothing that prevents me from subtly getting the kids to come to that conclusion on their own.

At September 21, 2007 3:25 p.m., Blogger Necator said...

I've actually condsidered both the FSM and the Darwin-Fish but have been deterred for fear of retribution against my humble automobile.

I see a mighty large number of Jeebus fish around and its quite disconcerting.

Maybe a scarlet A would be more sublte?

At September 22, 2007 5:49 p.m., Anonymous snarky the atheist said...

Is your wife 16? Does she have really enormous tits? Or what exactly is holding this marriage together?

At September 24, 2007 10:57 a.m., Blogger Necator said...

Dear Snarky - perhaps it's you who is 16, insofar as your maturity goes. It may come as a surprise, but deep relationships are occasionally built on things other than tits and being under-aged. It is also possible for people to love each other and get along despite philosophical (and theological) differences.

At September 24, 2007 11:17 a.m., Blogger King Aardvark said...

Thanks, necator. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Sixteen? That's getting pretty creepy.

At September 29, 2007 1:41 a.m., Anonymous SexySecularist said...

This makes me doubly glad that my girlfriend is such an ardent, godless atheist.

At October 04, 2007 4:30 p.m., Blogger American Scot said...

You two must have some really interesting conversations like this a lot!
It just goes to show that opposing views such as yours can live under one roof!


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