My Wife Discovers Jesus Fish
My wife made a startling discovery (well, startling to her) in the car coming home from work yesterday. I have no idea how she never noticed before; I guess she really doesn't care about reading the crappy accessories people attach to the backs of their cars. I was making some lame comment about the GMC Jimmy in front of us, something to the effect that only people named Jimmy should ever drive one (hahaha, I kill me ... well, not really) when she saw the Jesus fish on the back hatch.
She was really excited. Her younger sister had informed her of the concept just a day or two earlier and she was amazed that we had stumbled upon one so soon after.
I, meanwhile, was not terribly impressed and said something mean about Jesus fish being all over the place and she just isn't observant. Normally when my snark gets the better of me like this she gets offended and doesn't talk to me for a while. Believe me, we were well on the way to that here. That's when I stunned her by pointing out that her beloved sister-in-law, who happens to live in the same town as us, who we see on a regular basis and who often gives my wife rides to church events, also has a Jesus fish on the back of her minivan and my wife has never noticed it. Anger dissolved into incredulity as my wife struggled with the fact that she could be that clueless: "Nawwwww, you're joking. She doesn't have one. Does she? Are you sure? I'll have to check." Crisis averted there.
Anyhoo, I was tempted to not only explain the history of the Jesus fish, but also Darwin fish as well. However, I decided against it; she had had enough of a shock already that day and anything else would have been cognitive overload. Undoubtedly, now that she's looking for them, one day she'll notice a queer little Jesus fish with tiny feet and will ask me what it is; that's when I'll fill her in.
There was another crisis brewing now about Jesus fish - now she wants to get one for our car. I said an emphatic NO, and she got offended that I was emphatic about it. As I explained to her, I don't like putting unnecessary emblems and such on our car: no bumper stickers, "baby on board" signs, and hell, I'm not even keen on the idea of slapping on a Darwin fish. It's just too tacky for me. But more importantly, I'm not going to advertise for something that I don't agree with. She can advertise for her religion as much as she wants (and she does), but not on joint property that reflects on both of us, not just her.
I hope she understands; I'm sure she'd be pretty annoyed if I slapped a FSM fish on the car.
Hmm, I wonder if I could pretend to cave but buy one of several more subtle anti-Jesus fish emblems instead. Would she notice?