19 December 2008

Bonus Christmas Rant: Toronto Sucks

I just had to drive back from North York during what I would call a mild snow storm. Listening to the Toronto media describe it, it was the worst winter storm in years. They issued an "essential driving only" warning. To hear them, it was a total whiteout, and, gasp, 10-15 cm of snow!

Visibility was, well, diminished, but you could still see to the horizon most of the time. There was snow on the ground, but who cares? This is Canada; there is always some snow on the roads. It took me almost two hours to get back to my office when the usual time is more like 35 minutes. Why? Surely not because the snow itself. Why, then?

Fucking moron Toronto drivers.

Toronto drivers drive 50 km/h on reasonably well-plowed, sanded roads. They get stuck on tiny little snow drifts. They lose control of their cars at the slightest slipperiness.

I've got a freakin' two-wheel drive car with summer tires on, yet I am having absolutely no problems with this fucking snow. Back where I'm from, a mere 200 km east of Toronto, we'd laugh at this weather, go joy riding in it, wear shorts, etc. Toronto drivers are useless. Here, though, I get stuck behind morons who drive at a walking speed, can't hold their lane, and make me hours late. I so want to kick all of them in the nuts.

When I finally got back to my office, I discovered that the crybabies had closed up shop and gone home hours earlier. Yet I had to remain and finish a fucking report until 5:45, which I could have easily finished before our normal closing time if Toronto residents could drive in the winter.

The Inuit have hundreds of words for snow. What's the Inuit word for snow that isn't slushy, isn't icey, isn't oily, and results in basically no impediment to driving? Furthermore, what's the Inuit word for fucking Toronto wusses?

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At December 20, 2008 8:11 a.m., Anonymous Karen said...

I live in lowland northern California. One of my professors is from New York. She's terrified of driving over the Sierra Nevada mountains (our semi-local snowy place) in the winter. Why? Because Californians can't drive snow.

She's afraid of the idiots who will drive 80 km/hr with chains on through driving snow, as well as the ones who'll drive 50 km/hr with the tiniest dusting of un-icy powder on the ground. Go around a curve, and you're likely to meet idiot #1 spun out, nose in a snowdrift, or idiot #2 holding up miles of traffic, depending on the weather.

Hell, judging from traffic reports, we Californians can't even manage rain driving successfully.

At December 23, 2008 11:33 p.m., Blogger Call me Paul said...

I'm with you on this one. I almost got plowed into by a pickup truck driving down the middle of the road. When he realized I was coming, he locked 'em up, and started sliding right at me. I just drove around him, squeezing between his mirror and the curb. I'm pretty sure he smacked into the curb behind me. Imbecile.

At January 09, 2009 3:18 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

I live in Ontario, NY (a small village near Rochester, not to be confused with the beautiful Province across the mighty Lake my town is named after), and I have the same problem. What goads me is the drivers going 10-20 kph under the speed limit when the roads are still quite decent and the visibility is good. Plus my normally 40-minute commute turns into a 60-80 minute commute. The good thing is that on Rte. 104, bad drivers slide right off the road entirely and don't block traffic. I drive a nice, small, front-wheel drive car, and I laugh myself stupid to see the 4 wheel-drive behemoth trucks off in the ditch. I swear they think having 4 wheel drive is a blank check to drive like an idiot.


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