28 July 2008

The benefits of basic reading comprehension

Me and a bunch of friends were in the vicinity of some batting cages yesterday. There was a wide variety of pitching equipment, with little kids hitting slower pitches, bigger guys on the faster machines, and even a guy practicing for his slow pitch league.

There we saw a girl, looked like late teens or early twenties, with a girl friend the same age, dressed in typical young girl summer clothing - printed shirt, shorts, sandals, oversized sunglasses - and obviously spending too much time on her appearance. She was getting ready to bat, and we all stopped to pay attention, knowing that the results would be worth it.

She donned a batter's helmet, entered the cage, popped in her tokens, stepped awkwardly into the batters box and awaited the first pitch.

The fun began: "AAAAAAAAH!!!!!!" she let out a very loud high-pitched shriek of terror as the ball flew by and impacted the padded backstop with a loud "THUMP" behind her.

THUMP
THUMP
THUMP
as she cowered and fumbled with the door handle to eventually escape.

We all laughed and felt satisfied with her unfortunate situation.

But how did we know?

It wasn't that she was generally unathletic-looking and unprepared for swinging a bat.

Rather, it was basic reading comprehension and her obvious lack thereof.

And even then, it wasn't the fact that she ignored the posted "shoes required for safety" warnings, instead going in with sandals and endangering her feet. A downward foul ball could easily break toes. But it wasn't that.

Instead, it was the unmissably big sign on the door to the batting cage with the big red letters stating "BALL SPEED = FAST: 90+ MPH" that tipped us off.

Definitely worth the price of admission.

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3 Comments:

At July 29, 2008 4:58 PM, Blogger Carlo said...

Maybe she thought she could take the 90 MPH throws? On an only slightly related note, I kinda hate anyone who wears clothing that isn't functional. I know that it tends to be girls who wear shoes that cause their feet to bleed, and pants that have no pockets, but I have heard many stories of fashionista guys doing similar things. When you're going out to 'do stuff' (e.g., hit fast-moving baseballs), it would be best not to show up wearing useless shoes and bottom-wear that doesn't let you move.

 
At August 01, 2008 3:37 PM, Blogger King Aardvark said...

It's possible. Maybe she didn't pause to consider just how fast 90 mph is. Regardless, she reinforced the sad stereotype of useless pretty girls. At least she was trying to do a physical activity, but she's still an idiot.

 
At September 02, 2008 7:05 PM, Blogger Bronze Dog said...

Late to the game. Insert obvious bimbo joke.

Nitpick: It's supposed to be "A bunch of friends and I..." You include yourself last in a group, and I/Me is determined by how you'd say it if it was you alone.

 

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