Hard-Ons for Jesus: Church Peeves Part 4
Church Peeves: Part 4
This is the fourth in a 5-part series of things about church/churchgoers that piss me right the hell off that are of little or no consequence whatsoever:
4) Hard-ons for Jesus, yet anti-gay
It’s true: a good number of the men who go to church have literal hard-ons for Jesus. Want proof? Okay:
Think about how many times you hear a guy speaking at the church who says things like he “loves Jesus,” or is “in a relationship with Him,” or “desperately needs Him,” or is "passionate with Jesus" and the like.* For those of you who haven’t been to church in a while, I’ll give you a hint: it’s a lot. And these are self-proclaimed manly men – the type that would never admit to having loving feelings towards male members of their own families. Ergo, we have to assume these yearnings for Jesus have some homosexual undertones.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. I know from the Kinsey studies that people are on a sliding scale from fully straight to fully gay with most people in between. Their hard-ons for Jesus are purely natural, considering how wonderful Christians believe he is. Definitely mancrush-worthy if you like the skinny bearded type.
The problem is that the man love that these guys embrace does not extend to men other than Jesus. You’d think that this man-man common ground would lead to a positive understanding between Christian men and homosexuals, but strangely it does not.
* re: the “loves Jesus,” “desperately needs Him,” etc. It really is like the South Park episode where Cartman starts a successful Christian music act by taking fluffy pop songs and replacing the ‘girl’s and ‘baby’s with ‘Jesus’