07 October 2008

KA’s hitting myself in the nuts

I occasionally write about kicking people in the nuts. What if you want to kick yourself in the nuts? Not easy. However, you can hit yourself in the junk very easily in other ways. Uncomfortably, that was the case for me last week.

The scene: rec floorhockey. We play in an elementary school gym, one featuring basketball nets with big pads mounted on the wall behind them to protect players attacking the basket from cracking their heads open. Very good things, those pads. Under normal circumstances.

However, under other circumstances, floorhockey circumstances, they are not so good. Say, you’re trying to carry the ball at speed around the back of the opponent’s net. The ball is bouncing, so you lift you stick up a bit and reach out to try to corral the ball that’s bouncing away from you. Just then, as your stick is outstretched, the blade of your stick embeds itself between the big pad and the wall it’s mounted on. The stick stops suddenly. And if you remember Newton, you’re inertia keeps you moving forward. Moving forward at high speed directly into the butt-end of your stick. A stick that happens to be firmly wedged in front of you and pointed directly at your groin. With only a millisecond of travel time between you and the stick, there is nothing you can do but take it right in the dingle-dangle and hope for the best.

A teammate said that it looked like I was doing a pole vault (hehe, POLE vault).

Everyone stopped and asked if I was alright. My wife, meanwhile, just shook her head in disgust and motioned for me to get off the floor lest I embarrass her further.

I was lucky; the butt-end of the stick missed the most vital bits by about 1 cm, so it could have been much worse. It hurt, but there should be no difficulties producing children.

However, what was bad was that the teammate who called it a pole vault also happens to work for my company. And she told everybody.

I might have to change jobs.

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