07 February 2010

Early Valentine's Hatred

I was at the mall today getting an early jump on my Valentine's Day shopping - not because I'm keen but because I have an assload of work to do this week and will likely not have time to shop again before the big day.

So I'm in the mall and I take a detour into Chapters and buy myself a discount copy of Victor J. Stenger's God: The Failed Hypothesis for $7. Sweet. Then I go across the hall to the Carlton Cards and start looking for the obligatory Valentine's Card and I remember my card requirements (expressed to me through forcefully implied statements by my dutiful wife) - no cheap cards, no funny cards (because our relationship is important and serious and if I joke about it I devalue our relationship ... or something like that), and it must be something with good, flowery words in it expressing a loving message, but not too thorough a message because I need to write at least a paragraph expressing something loving and flowery but personal as well. So I look for a bit and find a good one and look at the price: $7.

I think to myself, WTF? On one hand, I just bought a book, a culmination of years-worth of thought and effort put into it by author and editors, almost 300 pages of quality paper and a hard binding, with dust-cover art and everything. On the other hand, a reasonably-sized sheet of cardboard, some tissue paper, and 16 lines of lame-ass poetry. Same price.

At that moment I experienced an epiphany: "Why not just substitute the Valentine's card with God: The Failed Hypothesis?" What a great idea! I could just scribble a paragraph of lubby-dubby stuff on the first page and draw a big heart and presto! Instant card. They've both got paper and writing and cost $7. Why not?

Then I realized that I don't like having my head torn off and my gonads stomped on by an angry asian woman, so I bought the damn card.

Labels: ,


At February 08, 2010 8:11 p.m., Blogger Carlo said...

It's kinda funny because in my relationship, I like giving the serious cards, while my gf is all laughs. Strangely, she also hates Valentine's Day, so that lets me off the hook for at least 1 holiday per year!

At February 10, 2010 10:27 p.m., Anonymous Karen said...

Seven bucks! I'd lay into my husband big time if he spent that much on a card.

We've declared Valentine's Day to be a Hallmark Holiday, and therefore to be ignored. I love him, he loves me, and we don't need cards/candy/roses/etc. to prove it.

At February 12, 2010 5:44 p.m., Blogger King Aardvark said...

Lucky you, Carlo. Just saved yourself a few bucks.

I'd be pretty annoyed if my wife got me a $7 card, too. Definitely a fake holiday. I don't really think me wife really believes the hype either. She just likes getting stuff.

At February 15, 2010 9:30 a.m., Blogger tina FCD said...

That's hilarious!
My husband bought me a book, Stephen Hawking's "A Briefer History in Time".

I would definitely NOT be happy with a $7.00 card!

At February 15, 2010 9:31 a.m., Blogger tina FCD said...

Make that...OF Time..sorry.

At February 20, 2010 12:13 p.m., Blogger King Aardvark said...

I read a Brief History of Time (not Briefer) back in elementary school. I didn't understand the second half at all. Maybe I should reread it.


Post a Comment

<< Home